The List

My oh my... maybe I won't get through all of these but I'll try.  In no particular order (other than the order in which they pop up as I write this).  There's no time frame for this really cause some things will take longer than others.  And there's no guarantee these will all be done.

• Cooking (lol).
• Learn one song, practice it, record it, and put it up.
• Memorize the inside and outside of the human body.
• Immerse myself in literature that captures the imagination of children.
• Intense exercise program.
• "Third time's a charm."
• Work's work.
• Volunteer.
• Earn a new powerhouse laptop.
• Redesign website for improved accessibility, speed, and ease of updating.
• Create a new intro.
• New digital/video camera.
• Play around with video capturing and editing.  Record L4D sessions or what not.  Start Youtube channel?
• See all the big summer movies.
• See everyone.
• Reconciliation.
• Feel alive again and become awesome.

• But most importantly, don't lose my soul gaining the world - and this has been a hard lesson for me and I'm still learning as I go.  (This refers to Mark 8:36)

Time.  Where did you go?  Why di--- ok, enough of that (Yes, it was that song).  But I wish I could slow time or at least my perception of it.  An hour when I was a child felt so much longer than how it feels now.  Time seems to be moving so fast.  However, "not enough time" is certainly becoming a lamer and lamer excuse the more it's used.

On a side note: Each time Obama makes an about-face makes me a sad panda.  But who am I to question the decisions of a man who has such a complicated job in the world.  (Edit: On second thought, in a democracy, that is exactly what people are supposed to do.  Silly me.)

And When it Comes Down to It…

...I will hold on to the belief that it is happiness above all.  It's too easy to be bogged down in details and forget the little simple things that really matter.

The "quarter-life" crisis is hitting me harder than ever.  I see ghosts of the past and moments as if I stepped through a portal and traveled back in time.  /shudder.

Keep moving forward, I say.

When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.  True story.

Open-mindedness

What is "it" that I'm talking about?  Well, I rather not say and put it on the spot.  It's controversial enough already and I think most people can figure out what I'm talking about.

I was once told to keep an open mind to "something".  But I find it hard to keep an open mind to it when everything I've seen and unfortunately experienced contradicts keeping an open mind.  I've seen people separated and kept at arm's length on this basis alone.  I want to believe giving my all would be possible for me but it's hard when bearing witness to the prejudices (no matter how big or small) around me and the world - prejudices that have been the root of many wars.

For many, it is a moral compass and a way of finding inner peace.  In some ways, it is that way for me.  In other ways, it clashes with my more liberal views.  However, I am fearful that by committing myself, I will be forced to be hypocritical and commit the type of discrimination I tried so hard to avoid.  I am afraid that if I open my mind to this, I am actually closing it.  The world is so diverse and I am so fascinated it has lasted this long.  And I want to see it all with clear open eyes.

I've spent a lot of time learning and I hope it doesn't seem suspicious or like I have an ulterior motive.  I am just trying to seek understanding but ultimately, I know it is the right of the individuals to freely choose.  Because of this, the world will remain divided.

In a more comedic (but with cruel undertones) way of putting it, it is okay to "lemon law" (HIMYM reference) someone on this basis alone and in some cases, you should do this.  Right or not - it doesn't matter because it remains your right to choose your "associations".

Well, this is something I have to figure out for myself.  The way I am now, it is literally impossible for me to give it my "all".  This is such a huge can of worms (that I'd rather not continue opening here) and I really should know where I stand.  This kind of instability and flip-flopping isn't healthy for anyone.

Summer Life is Here

Well, the awesome numbers are in ('cept for two, which were no-brainers) and it looks like I can take my shot.  "Scorpio."*

It took me a couple of days of rest to refresh my mind after getting fried by an onslaught of exams but I realize that with so much I have to do over the next few months, my online presence might actually be less than what it was during the school year.

This is because I cannot afford being lazy in certain areas of life and if I must be lazy in something, it will have to be in maintaining an online presence.  Online contact has always represented laziness in my view.  It is convenient but it is absolutely no substitute for actual physical contact.  It is too impersonal and often dishonest.

I look forward to the BBQs, movie nights, and dinners over the summer.  And I must selflessly set aside my personal issues and not let them spillover into involving other people - something I've failed to do on too many occasions.

Lastly, I hope I can change myself to be able to brave enough to walk to the middle, be patient enough to wait at the middle, and be resilient enough to be stood up at the middle - but ideally, be met at the middle.  It's hard to change behaviour and it's true that relapse within 6 months often happens.

*Codeword used in Flashpoint - Sniper has green light to take the shot.