Dos Equis: The Most Interesting Man in the World

Yes, it may seem like I have too much time on my hands but really, I don't.  It's just nice to write something to take my mind of the pedantic drivel I've been reading and answering confusing questions on.  Oh, don't get me wrong.  Children's novels are a nice break too.  It's this other thing I'm dreading.  =P

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Now, on to the topic of this post.  These are all the ones I've heard on TV and radio.  Exactly the kind of awesome I want to be.  Maybe.

People hang on his every word - even the prepositions.
He could disarm you with his looks - or his hands.  Either way.
He can speak French - in Russian.
He is the most interesting man in the world.

His reputation is expanding faster than the universe.
He once had an awkward moment - just to see how it feels.
He lives vicariously through himself.
He is the most interesting man in the world.

He's been known to cure narcolepsy - just by walking into a room.
His organ donation card also lists his beard.
He's a lover - not a fighter.
But he's also a fighter so don't get any ideas.
He is the most interesting man in the world.

The police often question him - just because they find him interesting.
His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man's entire body.
His blood smells like cologne.
He is the most interesting man in the world.

His personality is so magnetic - he is unable to carry credit cards.
Even his enemies list him as their emergency contact number.
He never says something tastes like chicken - not even chicken.
He is the most interesting man in the world.

His charm is so contagious - vaccines have been created for it.
Years ago, he built a city out of blocks.
Today, over six hundred thousand people live and work there.
He is the only man to ever ace a Rorschach test.
Every time he goes for a swim, dolphins appear.
Alien abductors have asked him to probe them.
If he were to give you directions, you'd never get lost
and you'd arive at least five minutes early.
His legend preced him, the way lightning precedes thunder.
He is the most interesting man in the world.

And of course... the awesome finish:

"I don't always drink beer.  But when I do, I prefer Dos Equis.  Stay thirsty, my friends."