Personal Responsibility
I'm certainly feeling the pressure and stress and whatever - but I just have to make sure I give it my all.
I've stopped pointing fingers long ago and I'm taking responsibility for my failures (and my successes). And things have been turning out for the better ever since I did.
People choose to do what they do and I respect that. They have a lot going on and so do I. That's life.
So, when some people start blaming others instead of taking responsibility, I'll listen but I won't call them out on it nor would I be able to truthfully agree. It is not my place to tell them how to behave - I'd look like an ass. Nonetheless, it's just not a right way to think. One gives up control of one's own life by blaming others.
However, if it was my son or daughter, then I'd have to smack some sense into him/her Balboa-style. 
Look Me In the Eye
"Look me in the eye. It's okay if you're scared. So am I. But we're scared for different reasons. I'm scared of what I won't become and you're scared of what I could become. Look at me. I won't let myself end where I started. I won't let myself finish where I began. I know what is within me even if you can't see it yet. Look me in the eyes. I have something more important than courage. I have patience.
I will become what I know I am."
-Michael Jordan
Newbies: I'm sorry if I scare you. Don't be so intimidated by what you see in my eyes cause this describes what I am feeling.
I hate the distance - both physically and emotionally. But I have accepted this is my trial, my challenge, and a part of my life where I must find myself and reach a higher level of maturity - a stage of becoming with my next stage just around the corner.
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I don't know if you or any of my cohort - my generation - will be the one. I don't think it is likely with all the things needed in place before such a long-term commitment will work well. It would be ridiculous to expect any kind of waiting with the hand that has been dealt to me by Him or by fate or by whoever or whatever you like to believe. But I am not the kind that closes doors prematurely and unilaterally. I like to leave things open to any sort of possibility.
Though, for the time being, I apologize if I appear to be a blind and oblivious fool. Or I am "too focused". It's complicated (and maybe it really isn't!). Howeverrrrrrr, I'm beginning to think that "sort of thing" might do me some good. Or not. Who knows? Haha.
Same Name, Different Person
I don't know why there are so many searches of my name coming from Google Malaysia.
I will say this: I am not the "Andrew Chow" that died around yesterday or so. Apparently it was a murder?
IPOH, Oct 14 (Bernama) -- A teenager who sustained severe head and bodily injuries in a fight at a food stall in Puncak Gerbang Meru Indah here yesterday, died this Wednesday's morning.
Perak CID chief, SAC Mohd Dzuraidi Ibrahim said Andrew Chow Kin Mun, 17, succumbed to the injuries around 11am at Raja Permaisuri Bainun Hospital, here.
He said the victim was having a drink and chatting with his friends at the food stall at around midnight when a group of men approached them.
"One of the men suddenly hit the victim using a sharp object and that triggered the fight," he told reporters after attending the Ipoh police Aidilfitri celebration, here.
He said police were investigating the case under Section 302 of the Penal Code and did not discount the possibility that the fight resulted from a misunderstanding.
"Several wooden sticks and a machete, believed to be used in the fight, were found at the scene," he said, adding that no arrests were made so far.
This is very freaky, to say the least, because of the coincidence with my name. And it is a reminder that life can end abruptly for anyone, especially with being at the wrong place at the wrong time. Spend time with loved ones while you still can and live fully in the present.
From a fellow "Andrew Chow" to another, may you rest in peace.
Could’ve, Should’ve, Would’ve
It frustrates me that the smallest of seemingly negligible misfortunes can have such longstanding ripple effects.
This sort of thing happened to me recently and I replay it in my mind but I know there is no point. The world moves only forward and I along with it. There is no one to blame but possibly "fate" itself.
The future is so malleable and it is crazy how the simplest of things such as not looking the right way, not answering the cell phone, not getting an e-mail and/or missing a bus can have major consequences.
I guess the best way to prevent such tragedies is to be aware we are all connected, that we all have people counting on us, and that what we do and fail to do affects everyone and not just our selves - even if you can't see how. Foresight is more useful than hindsight.
However, I know there are always things out of our control and instead of looking for blame, accept "fate" and move on.
I'm still annoyed - but I'll live.
"One is all and all is one."
Up in the Air
"Now this is gonna be a little difficult, so stay with me.
How much does your life weigh?
Imagine for a second you're carrying a backpack.
I want you to pack it with all the stuff you have in life.
You start with the little things that is on shelves and drawers and knick-knacks.
Then you start adding larger stuff: clothes, table-top appliances, lamps, your TV...
Backpack should be getting pretty heavy now.
You go bigger: your couch, your car, your home.
I want you to stuff it all into that backpack.
Now, I want you to fill it with people.
Start with casual acquaintances, friends of friends, folks around the office...
And then you move into the people that you trust with your most intimate secrets.
Brothers or sisters, your children, your parents, and finally your husband, your wife, boyfriend, your girlfriend.
You get them into that backpack.
Feel the weight of that bag. Make no mistake, your relationships are the heaviest components in your life.
All those negotiations and arguments and secrets and compromising.
The slower we move, the faster we die. We weigh ourselves down until we can't even move.
Make no mistake, moving is living.
Some animals were meant to carry each other to live symbiotically over a lifetime.
Star-crossed lovers, monogamous swans - we are not swans. We're sharks."
I want this to be either proven wrong or proven right. 'Cause not knowing the answer is an even worse burden. I can keep trying without reciprocation or I can let go and be freed of what I thought was important and move forward. It's easier if this is right but with that is the fear of never having a home to return to.
'Cause home is where people are thinking of you.
