The Lululemon Bag
One quote on it stood out,
"The pursuit of happiness is the source of all unhappiness."
I refuse to take part in this tiring rat race with no meaningful end. I see now it's simply one thing leading to another ad infinitum. Most of the women seem to ask of me to have some really long-term plan and certainty of the future. Or expect to have long-term security through their man. The recent recession has proved otherwise; there is no such thing. To base a relationship on that, well, I am sorry but that is a disaster waiting to happen down the line.
Also, it's that time of year again, where the usual questions about the future are asked. I don't particular enjoy reliving this moment for the second time; but it happens nonetheless. The dislike comes mainly from the subtle expectation to have a detailed answer.
Not having a concrete answer ready and the uncertainty of the future used to scare me but now, not really. From my experience, thinking and planning far into the future has been a futile exercise; things never turn out the way you expect them to. (Think "Reality vs. Expectations" scene in (500) Days of Summer)
I realize now I have let my mind create unrealistic constructs and expectations on where I should be and let my heart turn cold, neglecting a lot of things important in life. Important things that belong in the realm of the heart and not of the overly rational mind. (To quote Jerry Maguire, "No heart!") Id est, I have been doing things with no heart and only cause I thought it was expected of me. Too much ambition and expectations it seems.
So, as I move forward and patiently and sincerely fill out applications with complete disregard to early deadlines, I will do what I feel most comfortable with: going with the flow, letting whatever happen happen, and adapting as necessary. To quote Bruce Lee, "Be like water."
I realize I am no shark after all. But I am no swan yet either. (Up in the Air reference). Nonetheless, I want to be part of the latter - content with living modestly and comfortably with people all around.
"It's just a moment. This time will pass." -U2 - Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out Of
High-Speed Rail in Canada
This article was what I was talking about over the weekend.
Now, if only we had the visionary leaders like those in the US, some action might happen. But no, Parliament thinks it is okay to not work until March. Prorogue - a jargon term to alienate the general public. Pfft.
Globe and Mail: Pursuing a Dream After Corporate Life
Stories like these inspire me. From the Globe and Mail:
The social clock does not exist for a guy like me in this day and age. Maybe it does for the women biologically (and even hearing that statement from someone, for me, borders on sexism). But the clock does not exist in my mind for me and I must be resilient yet understanding of those who find relief in projecting their insecurities unto me, hoping I fail as well.
If he can do it at 51 (despite the controversy surrounding the subsequent use of taxpayers' dollars and taking up a spot of a younger applicant - oh wait, that would be ageism), then I must make sure everything I do furthers myself along the path to what I feel in my heart. I don't want to follow another path regretting it all or feeling I settled and look back feeling like this when I'm 50. He's lucky to even start again at 50. I may not.
Magnus Larsson: Turning Sand Dunes into Architecture
Applying microbiology to saving the world from desertification. A project of this size (building a sand wall across Africa) is full of challenges but I find his proposal to be scientifically and economically sound. In Oryx and Crake (Atwood), I read about microorganisms modified to destroy asphalt and thus were weapons of bioterrorism as they destroyed highways and infrastructure. Here, microorganisms are employed in a beneficent fashion that has far-reaching and widespread consequences from geography to politics.
Loss of arable land is a major concern as we struggle to feed the world population. Loss of greenery can only lead to more greenhouse gases staying up in the air, which leads to climate change. Starving refugees from these areas become concentrated within refugee camps, becoming a prime breeding ground for new diseases and viruses (higher opportunity for mutations with less healthy people in close proximity). Politically, famine brings about civil unrest, political conflict, scapegoating and genocide, and war. I could ramble on about the ramifications and the interacting forces at work here but the "big picture" forming in my mind could fill a novel.
This project has a lot of hurdles to overcome but it certainly has an aspect of "set it and forget it". Once you culture the bacteria, nature will take care of the rest. Now it's up to the nations to band together to allow this project to go forward.
I personally believe that throwing money at Africa in the form of foreign aid and food is doing absolutely nothing, to say the least, or is merely a band-aid fix, to say the most. With so much corruption prevalent in so many African governments, much of the aid provided never reaches those who need it most. We must solve the rampant corruption so we can help them help themselves. In other words, we must teach them to fish.
Personal Responsibility
I'm certainly feeling the pressure and stress and whatever - but I just have to make sure I give it my all.
I've stopped pointing fingers long ago and I'm taking responsibility for my failures (and my successes). And things have been turning out for the better ever since I did.
People choose to do what they do and I respect that. They have a lot going on and so do I. That's life.
So, when some people start blaming others instead of taking responsibility, I'll listen but I won't call them out on it nor would I be able to truthfully agree. It is not my place to tell them how to behave - I'd look like an ass. Nonetheless, it's just not a right way to think. One gives up control of one's own life by blaming others.
However, if it was my son or daughter, then I'd have to smack some sense into him/her Balboa-style. 
Look Me In the Eye
"Look me in the eye. It's okay if you're scared. So am I. But we're scared for different reasons. I'm scared of what I won't become and you're scared of what I could become. Look at me. I won't let myself end where I started. I won't let myself finish where I began. I know what is within me even if you can't see it yet. Look me in the eyes. I have something more important than courage. I have patience.
I will become what I know I am."
-Michael Jordan
Newbies: I'm sorry if I scare you. Don't be so intimidated by what you see in my eyes cause this describes what I am feeling.
I hate the distance - both physically and emotionally. But I have accepted this is my trial, my challenge, and a part of my life where I must find myself and reach a higher level of maturity - a stage of becoming with my next stage just around the corner.
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I don't know if you or any of my cohort - my generation - will be the one. I don't think it is likely with all the things needed in place before such a long-term commitment will work well. It would be ridiculous to expect any kind of waiting with the hand that has been dealt to me by Him or by fate or by whoever or whatever you like to believe. But I am not the kind that closes doors prematurely and unilaterally. I like to leave things open to any sort of possibility.
Though, for the time being, I apologize if I appear to be a blind and oblivious fool. Or I am "too focused". It's complicated (and maybe it really isn't!). Howeverrrrrrr, I'm beginning to think that "sort of thing" might do me some good. Or not. Who knows? Haha.
Still Alive
Hey, I'm not dead. Things are going well for me but my focus has shifted away from writing to speaking.
I have also reached a point in my life where I must absolutely strive to not burden anyone with anything and to freely stand strong alone. So, I'm focusing on that too.
'Cause that is how a man does it.
Ooooh, how sexist. Please, spare me the "pleasantries".
Anywho, be back in a long while. Unless something really interesting happens.
Settling In
It seems my mind has not quite left summer mode. Just simply writing my thoughts here and expressing myself has become a drag with all the running around I have to do regarding applications to various things. What things? Well, I'm more comfortable not telling anyone about it (and it is not as typical as you might think!).
Well, when life has calmed down and I have settled down in a particular groove of things, I may be back here and more active on Facebook and what-not. (Though, time away from the computer has been way better).
I think I need to start getting back to my regular schedule at the gym to get my endorphin levels back up (I seriously think I'm chronically deficient or something). It certainly helps the brain to focus and it's way better than the ridiculous notions I'm hearing about of non-ADHD students taking ADHD drugs to help give them an "edge".
It was nice catching up with past supervisors, instructors, and various faculty and hearing words of encouragement for whichever of the many doors I have open I happen to choose. I was a bit wary of following through this long-term plan I thought out, but it was a relief to hear reassurance that it was sound.
Oh, and The Big Bang Theory is an awesome show. I'm all caught up and ready for 3rd season. Sad how I can understand so much of the dialogue (especially the complexities of String Theory and its many requisite dimensions). I'm such a nerd.
Today, I had a really nice dream of an adventurous date and I remember so much of it. It's been a long while since I had that. It was definitely a much needed "defrag" of my brain and hope many more of those happen again. It's certainly a good source of ideas - albeit in a perfect world with a perfect girl. Haha.
And now... my hands grow heavy and wearyyyyiuhisfdkjs...
Buh-bye now!
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It's extremely difficult for you (or anyone) to get on my bad side. So don't feel guilty. You haven't done anything.
Bonds
No, not the awful Naruto movie. =P
As September rolls around, I'm sure you've noticed the changes that goes along with post-grad. Some may be good, and some you may think is bad. But nonetheless, it is inevitable.
It takes a great deal of effort to get on my bad side. In times of great need, just know I'm totally willing to be on the next bus over - even if distance has led to some ice building up. And I'm certain there are others who think the same way. In any case, you'd have to have done something really unconscionable for me to throw it all away.
I, too, remember the good old days like they were yesterday, but to move forward we musn't cling to them. It doesn't mean I up and forget all our history, however.
Even as life takes us to separate places, in this day and age of technology, you know where to find me. I hope I'm not naive in saying all this... but I'm sure it won't be difficult to break the ice that's built up and start where we left off.
Friends of the heart and friends of the road, good luck and Godspeed.
Independence
As America celebrates theirs, many other countries fight for theirs and some have no hope of achieving it. It's been three weeks since #IranElection made top trending topic on Twitter and it is still going strong. The grassroots movement has become an inspiration to me and to the world and the outcome will have a lasting impact. It seems the Iranian theocracy has failed to protect the rights and freedoms of its people and by allowing innocent blood to be spilt, it has lost its legitimacy.
As much as I'd like to remain in blissful ignorance and denial, I can't help but draw connections. Global security to oil prices, fundamentalism to democracy, the conflict over there is tied to a lot. As 29 innocents stand to be executed, the conflict is a reminder to us why we keep religion and the state separate.
Though, I believe the Green movement will win. It's only a matter of time. The younger generation wants change and as long as they resist being indoctrinated with the old ways, the older generation will fade away clinging to tradition. Even now, the current regime has lost a lot of support internally and on the world stage, which they cannot afford in this age of "post-globalization".
North Korea continues to fire missiles with no concern to others. Iran recently launched a satellite and continues to enrich uranium. Add those two technologies together and you eventually have the capability to nuke any location in the world.
Don't even get me started on "climate change". We've heard it all before. I just hope we don't resort to that drastic measure of pumping sulfur/water vapour into the atmosphere to cool Earth down in the event of severe global warming.
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I recently saw Watchmen again and despite being a comic book movie, it really does beg the question: is humanity really doomed to destroy itself?
I used to be quite the humanist, believing we have the capacity to basically take care of ourselves. But now, as I see more and more of the world, is Watchmen is right? We absolutely need to live in fear of God's wrath? Are we inherently flawed and destined to destroy ourselves? Do we need a "common enemy"? Too often we focus on our differences only to forget we are all human.
"Five minutes to midnight," they say. With a push of the wrong button or the turning of two keys, the world's institutions, governments, and infrastructure could all collapse as everything turns to dust. That degree hanging on my wall and the money in my wallet will all mean nothing in a land turned cold and lawless as everyone fends for themselves. What a bleak future.
I can draw many parallels of what I saw in the film to the world today. Giant squid monster aside (if you've read the graphic novel), perhaps it is true that a great calamity - depending on your beliefs, either by God or by our hands - is what will unite us and save us from a greater tragedy. The lives of millions to save billions. Or maybe, to be an optimist, that will never be necessary and we never were on the path to self-destruction.
I'll close with this thought though. As much as the media loves to instil fear by bombarding us with the above stories, I still keep hope alive that we will do better. The future looks gloomy but the future can change and I hope our world leaders never stop trying. I cherish every moment I have now and shared with others. For that, every day isn't so "emo" and pointless.
