Song of the Moment #62: Linkin Park – The Catalyst
My prayers go out to the 33 Chilean miners who must endure months underground in hot and humid darkness. I cannot even fathom enduring those conditions of not seeing daylight or breathing fresh cool air or physically seeing family members until Christmas (or worse, after). May a strong camaraderie keep each other strong-willed and counsel those who are about to break.
My condolences to those who have lost loved ones during the Manila hostage crisis. I, too, am outraged at the police and the appalling lack of strategy and tactics. The primary goal of the police in these kinds of situations was to safeguard against the loss of life. Not only did they fail in this primary directive, they contributed toward this failure by arresting the gunman's brother on live television, which was shown in the bus! This incident brought to light the police incompetence that runs from the top down.
My thanks to... well... I chose this song because I heard it in the trailer for the upcoming Medal of Honor reboot, which is set in the Middle East (Afghanistan specifically), which aims to give insight into the life of a soldier today. There are people out there, deep cover or not, fighting to keep the weapons of terror (e.g., nuclear) out of the hands of the Taliban and other religious/political extremists. They are the unsung heroes and the sad truth is that because their contributions are unrecognized, they and their families are protected. For example, if it weren't for the low-profile work by CSIS, Parliament would have been bombed this week by a Canadian Idol contestant (in all seriousness). The same goes for that key informant in the Toronto 18.
The video and lyrics are after the cut. As WWII veterans fade away into history with each passing day, this is a new war we are fighting now. Oh, and I wrote some thoughts about what's going on for me at the end of this post as well.
Half-Step
Today, I was a half-step from ending up on the hood of someone's car (or even worse, being dragged under). This is the second time this has happened in my lifetime. The first time was when I was a kid.
It was funny seeing his "Oh shi-!" face when he turned his head slightly left to see me standing staring down at him so close with my WTF face, even for a brief moment as his car sped by.
Meh.
---
"Situational awareness": My eyes wander but that doesn't mean I'm not paying attention to you!
The Wayback Machine
I went to archive.org and used their Wayback Machine on this site. I must say, the results are... chilling. I see things I have not seen before or have long forgotten. It even has some of the old ShoutBox convos from high school archived there. Wow, I totally disappeared and changed when university hit.
I'll just say: I was a blind fool. Even now I am still blinded. I can try to fix things, but with a growing list of responsibilities as we all get older, there is only so little time.
"Driving down a one-way road, some courage and the radio, we'll drive until our eyes can see."
---
...and back to the now to shape a brighter future.
Rock and Revy
I've finished watching Black Lagoon a few days ago, and this is my favourite scene. Watch out, there is lots of swearing. I watched it in Japanese but I must admit, the English dub is pretty decent. It is at this scene Rock lays down some truth and Revy shows some humanity. Two different worldviews collide here: a man who escapes his routine subordinate life for adventure and a woman who has known nothing but crime, violence, and money. And in some twisted way, they are each other's remedy.
"My life had become the rush hour commute, the fake laughing, lowering my head, risking my life to score points - and all of that was fine as long as I had a place to drink after work and a batting cage nearby. And then, just like that, none of it mattered anymore. The one person who shook me awake, the one who invited me in, it was you, Revy."
To be honest, ever since I've returned to this big city, I'm feeling a lot like Rock, in both how he has been treated and how he views life. And Rock is right, do not selfishly play the tragic hero/heroine. Suffering is everywhere for everyone at some point. But I guess me not wanting to burden others has made me reluctant to open up as well.
That cigarette "indirect kiss" scene at the end - that kind of "tension" has been unresolved to this day. Oh my.
The Old House
She took care of me as a child, changing my diapers, giving me candy, and throwing me up in the air and catching me. She enjoyed watching Adam West's Batman and Wheel of Fortune. Now 102 and recently taken a fall, it seems there is not much time left.
There are some fond memories in that old house I grew up in and there are some I still like to forget. I was there today and I saw an old man . He looked a lot like me. When he was younger, he was scary. Now, after over 12 or so years - I lost count - he still scares me, but for a different reason.
One quote from Inception came to mind when I made eye contact; I saw "an old man, filled with regret, waiting to die alone." His eyes, in a head full of gray hair, said it all. It was a scary sight for I saw myself in them. After all this time not teaching me anything, sadly by virtue of being, he does teach me one thing: how not to be a father.
Realizing the old adage, "like father, like son", is my fear. It is nurture versus nature. Surrounding myself with people that brings happiness, learning about everything to build a solid moral foundation, and enduring when the going gets tough - without these things, the only thing to go by would have been nature.
Even now, the going is tough. But I won't let regret, hatred, and bitterness overpower me. The vicious cycle ends with this generation.
=D
What I Needed to Hear
Just wanted to say that Harvest York's message yesterday was exactly what I needed to hear. My priorities have been out of whack and I have been too selfish at times but also wanting too much to please others or to gain their attention. It is obvious what priority #1 should always have been. This is fundamental yet it's easy to get lost and wander in today's world of mass media influences. Sometimes a reminder is all I need.
Soul-Searching
Yeah, I need to do some of that, to find myself and to find direction. Toronto has not been feeling right ever since I returned. I fear a lot of the good things that has happened within me and to me while I was away is being undone by the poor environment at home and by being fragmented away from community.
Toronto in the distant past has been host to many of the unkind events in my life. Either I face the demons or become insignificant and lost in the shuffle. Feeling a lot like Brooks Hadlin...well, minus the hanging myself part.
Or maybe... Toronto just sucks (i.e., sports teams and the TTC), and it's finally getting to my head, haha.
---
The UN can talk all it wants. Iran's centrifuges will keep spinning... and before long, in a moment of human weakness, none of what I want, what I have, or what is in my wallet will have any meaning. Something drastic needs to happen.
The Pursuit of Awesomeness
I heard this song on the radio and it made my day. Spose - I'm Awesome.
When I say I don't want to be that guy, the guy in this video is that guy.
When I say I am training, I am training to not be that guy. But to be truly awesome instead.
Or to be awesomesauce: a sauce of equal parts of awesome, amazing, and breath-taking slowly cooked with small parts of uncanny, extraordinary, and magnificent added. (Urbandictionary.com, 2008).
Ok, here is the video:
---
Medicine is as much an art as it is science. It's time I worked on my arts.
A Cross Too Heavy?
Even the younger generation has some things to teach me. Though, I consider myself spiritually noobish after all.
This was shown to me while I was slaving away in study rooms earlier these past few weeks. It really resonated with the long path I have taken and the long path that lies before me. These trials and tribulations all act to challenge me, to transform me, and to prepare me for what lies unseen ahead. So, thanks, for putting things in more perspective.
May you continue to brighten the lives of those around you in the years to come, and that in your pursuit of dentistry, that you don't lose yourself completely in it - that it does not become an idol. That was my mistake in my pursuit of medicine.
The little things can have the strongest impact.
Group Work…
/begin rant
...is most often going to be bad at the undergrad level. Don't do it if given the chance. There is always just that one person who fails in the most epic of ways. Time and time again this has been shown to me. I know the value of teamwork. Don't ruin it by forcing me to work with those happy with a C-average and partying all night. Don't get me wrong; you can have a C-average as long as you have the drive and motivation to do better.
Teamwork in a healthcare professional setting is awesome. You don't have to worry about doctors slacking; they've gone through med school. Hard work is built into their core character and all those years of training are wasted if they slack and fail in their careers. And the interprofessionalism movement, anyone?
Other professional school students? Tuition is so high you don't mess around. Getting in is hard enough. Launching into the career in the real world and maintaining it is even harder.
I have experienced that the only time you have to put up with the hopelessly incompetent is at the undergrad level and below. The chance of you being grouped with a scrub is much higher cause there is just that many more undesirables. Above undergrad, the consequences for being a douche are much more dire and most of the scrubs have been weeded out.
I've carried all I could this year. Now, I'm going to try that much harder to not put myself in these situations. I can't make decisions for other people but I can decide what is best for myself. I'm sorry; I used to be lenient but the system has made me take on a Type A approach in group work now.
/end rant
Thankfully, I will no longer be working with undergrads in this setting. So this could very well be all moot.
But remember people, they are out there. And they will bring you down in your pursuit of excellence (be it God, academics, or simply planning an event) just by being their sad complacent selves. Do your due diligence and avoid placing yourself in bad situations with a scrub.
4 days.
